“From the dream archive” is always a dream or a consciousness experience that I experienced many years ago that left a huge impression. I would like to remind you that these interesting dreams are not part of the past, and readers can always read them whenever they want.
In Part 1 I already reported about a mystical encounter with a fleeting acquaintance I had met many years ago. We had a consciousness-expanding experience together and yet we never really got closer to each other. Despite this tricky problem, we met several times – apparently always by chance – and I would like to tell you about the few encounters. Here is the second meeting with her:
Tuesday, March 20, 2001:
This time we sat with several acquaintances in a café and talked about literature. In the last few weeks I had been thinking about a woman who, in my opinion, had a good connection with her true self. For the sake of simplicity I would like to call her Lena. I was wondering if she might be angry with me, because in our conversation in the library (see part 1), I had been a bit of an exaggeration. While we were discussing, Lena always came up with small polemic sideways. Thus, it was confirmed to me that she was still a bit angry because of our encounter in the library.
After every polemical comment she turned to face me, and her face became a bit red! Apparently, I had addressed her true self in the library, because I had addressed other facets of her personality than those who were only localized in her limited self-image. Apparently everything was just my perception and Lena had not consciously followed the little trip to the true self and had only felt that I had done something she had not understood.
I often experienced, that a communication with the true self of another person, takes places without the person noticing anything after. A short time later the confirmation followed, because I asked her directly, in front of all the others, why she had so much fun today to make subliminal remarks directed against me. She replied quite loudly afterwards and explained to the assembled crew that she would not like me! For a moment, there was silence in the room and the others looked at us after she had said this. The others did not know this behavior from her, since she was always very friendly and nice.
The True Self and Forgetting
It was an exciting moment. I was convinced that she had forgotten everything, but suddenly I felt that her true self communicated with me through her ego. Did her ego do it with her, or did she just jump over her perception? Her conscious and bigger self told me that she was only allowed to have fun and I should not fall on the façade. Rather than internalizing this, I felt a slight split in me, because a part of it assumed that she had meant it seriously, while another part knew that it had only been played by her. I just asked her why she did not like me. But instead of answering, she just started talking to another person at the table and ignored me. Of course, the part in me confirmed, which assumed that her ego had no pale glimmer and I probably only exaggerated, how conscious it is. This can happen in my age, when a girl starts smiling at you and says a few wise comments. But as I pondered, I heard my other self in me laughing loudly at me.
Then suddenly a woman came in from an adjoining room, which was used for occasional group meetings. Next door was often a theater group that practiced their plays. She asked if we knew where the theater was. It was immediately clear to me that this woman had only been given a task, namely to take over some role and to be as credible as possible. The others, however, really believed that she was looking for the theater group, but I laughed and said she had to go one floor higher – which of course was not true at all.
When she had left again and the others asked me why I had lied, I said that it was obvious that she had just staged it and that it was a little show-off. So the information she was looking for was irrelevant. While I explained this to the others, I also used my explanation as a telepathic allusion to Lena, which means while I explained the situation to the others, I concentrated on Lena and spoke to her conscious self. I wanted to lay a bait to find out if this telepathic message came to her. I felt then that she had quite the ambiguity of the sequence we had perceived with the women from the theater and felt touched. But she did not react at this moment.
We left the cafe a short time later and went outside. We said good-bye to each other and suddenly two of us stood alone, because someone had forgotten something and went back into the room. It seemed as if she had been waiting for me. Now or never, I thought, and asked her directly what she was thinking?
She looked at me, laughed and said if I had really believed what she had said! That was an interesting moment, because now she opened and I suddenly felt the reality that she had only closed and disguised all the time!
Camouflaging the True Self
A part of me had believed her camouflage acting, while another part of me had not really believed her. She had just played it. Even her face turning red in the cafe was just staged. Stunningly genuine! Not bad, I thought! She actually had an actorial talent. This also explained the situation with the women that suddenly occurred from the theater group. We were now laughing loudly and I said that I would call her in the next days. Lena laughed and said that she’s fine with that. I had decided not to call her.
Nevertheless, I met her again two weeks later in the city. It was amazing, somehow we always met each other. The sun was setting and it was getting dark. She was accompanied by a slim, very tall man. My spontaneous but strange impression was that she got a guardian who was supposed to protect her. It was a strange feeling that I could not explain right now. This time, however, she behaved as if she was angry with me and seemed to hope that I would leave again soon. This splitting in my perception of her, I had not yet experienced in this extreme form. I began to ask again how deliberately she really was. Perhaps she would also be commuting back and forth between the ego and the conscious self, without knowing it, or she would only have a few isolated elements.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
“You know exactly what is wrong…”, she countered. “Well, it was once in a library and someone was very rut! Do you remember?” she asked.
“Of course,” I replied, “I wanted to see how far you can go.”
“So you really want to know what’s behind the wall?” she asked.
“Correct.”
“But maybe behind my wall is something bad? Maybe you do not like that,” she said.
“That can be true,” I replied, “but I want to know it, even if it may be unpleasant at first,” I explained.
“I do not want to see behind the wall, do you understand? I need my ego here. I do not want to give it up. I want to stay here for a while. I want to enjoy my life,” she said.
That was clear, I thought. She had now made a clear statement and told me that she does not want to look behind it. I told her that I did not want anything from her.
“You do not want anything from me? You want something, don’t you?”
I said that I certainly did not want any relationship or something like that. This was also true, because I only wanted to know whether she wanted to look with me behind the wall or not. That’s all. But she was right. I really wanted something from her, namely that she was going along and I did not have to go this way alone. I wanted to share this great experience with someone who had developed as far as I was on my level.
While I thought about it, I suddenly realized that this was simply not possible. I was approached to a point where I could no longer claim help, because it was my own step I had to go, and because it was important that I took this step alone and on my own responsibility. If I were to die, I could not blame anyone and if I survived it, I would have done it.
I said good-bye to her at this point and made my way home.
On the trip I thought about this funny conversation. In any case, she was a very conscious person who had already integrated some personality aspects into her mind. It had always been very pleasant for me to be close to her and to talk to her, since I had finally met someone who also partly shared this higher consciousness. Otherwise I always had to deal with unconscious people, who are so strongly identified with their role. But on the other hand, she was just 18 years old and was currently finishing her high school. I could not ask her anything or build expectations against her. She was still very young, she still had a lot of time, she still wanted to enjoy her life. But then I had an idea! What made her so furtive, so reticent, and now formally out of my way: in the library, her personality had been open, and I had entered with her spirit and walked with her through her personality aspects.
The Wall of Perception
Then we came to the barrier of perception, the “wall,” as I call it. When you get to this wall you have to make a big leap, because you will leave the level here. That is why, for a certain period of time, I also perceived my true self that had been lying “over there” on the bed. I had managed to go through all aspects, avoiding any identification, so that I won’t stick on it. In the library, however, I had gone too far.
I had asked her to go straight over the wall, but she had locked herself. From then on, she had a blond friend, who was now acting as a guard for her. It had become clear to me that there was still a bigger head behind, from which she had learned a lot. I did not know who it was. That is why she did not want to meet me alone, because she knew that I would go back to the wall with her, or try to get to that other person. I could now understand a lot better, also her behavior and her reactions. That’s why she wanted to meet me only when it happened coincidentally. She avoided calls or appointments.
It was clear what was to be done. Either I tried to get closer to the guard to find out more or I step back and stop caring about her. I then decided to stop caring about her! I had a better feeling with that decision. I had to overcome the wall on my own and alone. After that, it would certainly look quite different. I then decided, that today was the last day I would meet her and I agreed that there would be no more meetings. Either she contacts me by herself, even if it takes a few years, or we do not meet up anymore.
~.~
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